Final Destination 5

Summer is slip sliding away.  The subtle tell tale signs are clear for all to see; Dollarama has severed limbs on it’s shelves & cinema is starting to ween us on to a liquid diet of  red plasma ready for October 31st.  The first course film to get the blood pumping out of your heart & spraying in your neighbours face is everyone’s favourite human meat mash Final Destination.   Now in it’s fifth installment (cinquilogy?) the never ending story of death just doesn’t seem to want to die.  Like the Saw series & Fast/Furious franchise you know what to expect with a few twists to spice up the cast’s deadly demise.  In the past we’ve seen planes, roller coaster trains & automobiles x2 go kaput to cause squelchy life termination, this time a bridge over the troubled water of a team building excursion is the setting for disaster.   The power of psychic day dreams is passed on to our main man Sam who senses something not quite right with the crossing before having a visceral vision of guts galore just in time to save a selection of his co-workers.  We all know you can’t beat death unless your name is Bill or Ted & the game is chess so one by one the invisible reaper catches up & serves subpoenas on life to the unluckiest bunch of office workers since those in the employ of Dunder Mifflin.

Taking it’s second outing in 3D, Final Destination is book ended with beautiful poke fests – opening projectile call backs from prior movies fly at plate glass propelled by fire then closing on an all you can eat death fest recap of the past eleven years since Devon Sawa was lip syncing to Eminem.  You won’t remember any of the actors other than Mr Whammy from Anchorman & the bad Tom Cruise doppelganger but creative uses of  gymnastics, Buddha & a sail boat are sure to live on in your memory as they rest in pieces .  There’s an interesting Parisian chef subplot that makes for an ooh rather than an ow, though with culinary skills on display I’d have suggested rustling up a rabbit foot salad with 1 up green mushroom’s from Mario Bros. garnished with four leaf clovers for luck surviving the 92mins running time.

You’ll leave the movie theatre feeling like a health & safety officer seeing potential hazards at every insignificant piece of lint.  I’d invest in a suit made out of bubble wrap but knowing my luck the protective bubbles would probably be filled with explosive gas.  Final Destination 5 definitely pops rather than deflates, where else can you laugh at human life being snuffed out like an elaborate game of dominoes with flesh?

Just to help you be more risk aware check out these amazing & surprisingly gruesome safety videos:

For the inevitable 6th movie please use the cast of Glee – Final Gleestination FTW.  Your next meal of horror is served up screaming at Projection Booth East on Tuesday with another Little Terrors & just desserts with The Collapsed on Wednesday.

Oh one last thing…contest time!  Hopefully you’ll live long enough to enjoy these prizes courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures Canada