Pride 30: Michael Ain

My first Pride was at 16.

I had recently “come out” to a group of friends, many of them were Gay & Lesbian, and the first of my friends to share my “dark secret”. There was an overwhelming sense of wanting to belong. And an excitement of finally being able to speak the words “I’m Gay!!”, without a petrifying fear of rejection.

They invited me to join them one weekend that summer at Church & Wellesley — unknowing it was Pride, or what Pride meant… I remember walking out of the station at Wellesley. There was a hum in the air. Rainbow balloon arches and a beaming sun. I cried, right there at the subway opening. Yea…i was a pansy fag, over-emotional, and insecure but in that moment I felt unstoppable — and it felt like home.

At 18, I was helping to run the local youth group (LGBYT) at the 519 Community Centre. We had decided to march together as a group that year. And it was the most exciting sense of purpose, belonging, and community. Costumes, glitter, team cheers and group hugs. From that day, marching in the parade has always signified an overwhelming sense of Love, Acceptance, and Strength in numbers.

Over the years, I have marched at the front — hand gripping hard to the Giant Rainbow Flag above my head. Other years I have been joined by my Father, Mother and Sister. I have marched with PFLAG, danced on a Priape float, helped organize with ProudFM, and even gotten directly involved with Pride Toronto itself.

This year, as Pride turns 30, I watched our community stumble through an evolution of Pride. Old’ Timers’ grasp onto history, afraid of losing their relevance. Activists grasp deperately onto Pride as platform, speaking out against Social Injustice’s in Land’s far away.

This year I hope to march alongside my family, again with PFLAG. Mom will be Volunteering at Family Pride. Dad will march in solidarity. And my sister has flown back from overseas with her daugther …. to participate, celebrate, and support with Love.

Each year Pride means something different to each of us, and that meaning of Pride changes.

But for me….Pride is a feeling. One that makes me breathe deep, appreciate, and truly be Proud of how far we, as a community have come. And how lucky I am to live in Canada, as and Out Gay Man.

This year, I will be celebrating 30 Years of Pride. And looking forward to the next 30 to come.

Happy Pride Toronto.

- Michael Ain